Since the weather warmed up I’ve noticed more and more bloody insects coming into my house. It started off with a couple of spiders, woodlice, some ants and most annoyingly a fucking wasp nest in the loft! BASTARDS! It progressively got worse until at the start of May I thought of a plan. I figured that as it cost ME money to live in my gaff why should I let those bugs have a free ride, especially as I don’t even really like ‘em?
I made myself a list of who should pay what (quite reasonable I thought) and decided to charge the little fellas rent.
Weekly accommodation charges commencing May 1st 2008.
Spiders - £7.50 each (bit pricey but they can be quite large and I don’t like them at all, and they obviously like to actually set up camp).
Woodlice - £1.00 each (more of a road toll as they generally just pass through).
Ants - £0.10p each, or £10 for a whole nest in garden.
Flies – Congestion charge of £3.00 a month each. (They don’t earn much).
Wasps - £3.00 each for a day (danger money).
Bees – £2.00 each
Moths - £1.50 each (only come in the evenings).
Mosquitoes - £3.00 each, £10 fine if they bite me! (Don’t want their kind here).
Others – Subject to tribunal hearing. Set fee of £1.00 a day normally.
This seems to have sorted out the problems. The wasps wouldn’t pay and all buggered off (but they left loft was a right old mess I’ll tell you, fucking students). The ants have put down a very generous a deposit for a nest of their own out the back and I haven’t seen any other creepy crawlies at all! I get the occasional earwig, but they usually tidy up after themselves and we have a gentleman’s agreement of £5.00 a week for ANY earwig to have a free pass through my property. Done.
So it’s all harmonious chez Neg and I’ve made a few quid too. Not strictly sub letting either so all good, A REEEDY!
I was making myself a cup a soup the other day, when I realized I had no cups, mugs, bowls or anything. (Never let a Greek family stay with you). The kettle was boiling, and my chicken and leek sachet was looking irresistible, plus I was absolutely starving. What could I do?
